Voice/Tone:
To me as I read your story, which you haven’t finished by
the ways, comes off to me with a tone of energy. The narrator who happens to be
the main character makes me feel like he’s an over energized teenage boy. He
also sounds very rude and snotty.
Audience:
From what I have read of your story it seems like it would
attract mainly teenagers. There’s cussing and it takes place in high school and
the characters are acting childish. I don’t think adults would be interested in
it, but young adults would.
Evidence:
You mention a few things, for example models of the cars
that I would think no one would know, so to me I take it as you reassuring
“props” and background for your character.
Meaning:
I can already tell by the beginning of your story that your
main character, Thayer is having problems with his ethnicity of being part
Hispanic. Obnoxiously the character lives in Arizona. And I really like where
it is going. It is showing how some teenagers act now a day. Showing the
meaning and teaching a lesson to not be ashamed of yourself.
Structure:
From what I have read I’ve been interested in it. I like the
smoothness of it. When I went to the lab they kind of guided me to a structure
where:
P1- Introduce character, show lifestyle, personality, other
characters.
P2- Dialogue between characters showing dynamic.
P3- Conflict rise
P4- Conflict resolution
P5- Show meaning, symbol of story.
It’s just a few tips.
Organization:
There’s not really that much into the story because it’s not
finished, but so far the beginning is well organized. Everything is flowing
nicely.
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