Thursday, April 26, 2012

Peer Critique for Yajing


Brenda Mendez Peer Critique for Yajing Zhang

Voice/tone: Yajings’s tone came off as serious and informative. As she analysis the main character in the novel, she states her thesis statement
Audience: She is targeting the people who have read the book. She clearly analysis that main character who was the narrator and did it perfectly.
Evidence: She uses quotes and examples that help support what she is trying to prove.  She also backs up the quotes she uses by explaining what they mean and quotes them how its supposed to be cited.
Structure: Yajings structure was well built. You can tell that she knew how to write a character analysis paper.
Organization: The papers organization overall I though was good. She starts off her paper by stating her thesis statement followed by her body paragraphs which contain a topic sentence, quote, ending with an explanation to sum it all up, which I thought was perfect.

Overall thought: Overall I think the paper makes a lot of sense from beginning to end. Yajing gives everything that is asked for.  

Peer Critique for Cindy


Brenda Mendez Peer Critique for Cindy De la Rosa

Voice/tone: Cindy’s tone came off as serious and informative. As she analysis the main character in the novel, she states her thesis statement. I would recommend when stating thesis statement make sure it has the 3 main points you will talk about in your body paragraphs as the last sentence in your introduction.
Audience: Cindy targets people who read the book. I would recommend giving a brief summary of the book in the beginning of her paper to refresh the reader’s mind of what Cindy will talk about for the rest of her paper.

Evidence: The minimum of sources to use from the book is five, which she accomplishes. She uses quotes and examples that help support what she is trying to prove.  She also backs up the quotes she uses by explaining what they mean.
Structure: The structure of the essay is well done. The only thing I would say about it is try to make everything sound smoother when quoting from the book.
Organization: The papers organization overall I though was good. She starts off her paper by stating her thesis statement followed by her body paragraphs which contain a topic sentence, quote, ending with an explanation to sum it all up, which I thought was perfect.

Overall thought: Overall I think the paper makes a lot of sense from beginning to end. Cindy gives everything Professor Broadous asks for. The only thing I would recommend is a brief summary in the introduction and a few minor spell check errors. And don’t forget to put the page number on top.

Invisible Man


Brenda Mendez
Professor Broadous
PAS114B
25 April 2012
Invisible Man
            Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man is the story of a young black man whose name the reader never learns. He is a young man from the South who at his grandfather's deathbed was warned against performing to the wishes of white people because the young man thinks that is the way to be successful. The narrator's first real glimpse of manipulation of white people comes when he is invited to a local men's club to read the speech he prepared for his high school graduation. He gives the speech he is rewarded with a briefcase and a scholarship to a black college, but only after going through the humiliation of performing for the white men there. The narrator goes off to college and is determines to model himself after Dr. Bledsoe, the college's dean, unfortunately, the narrator makes a dreadful mistake when he is chauffeuring Mr. Norton, a wealthy white man who donates a great deal of money to the college. He allowed the man to stop and speak with Joe Trueblood, a poor, black man ostracized from the black community because he got his own daughter pregnant. Dr. Bledsoe is so furious with the narrator's indiscretion and stupidity that he expels him. He builds himself a room and hibernates there contemplating his relationship to reality and the invisibility he feels is caused by his race. He lives in that hole until he runs into Mr. Norton one day in the subway and realizes that he will no longer live up to white expectations of him. The narrator is very much innocent and inexperienced, not letting him see the truth, giving him blindness.
            The narrator not only tells the story of Invisible Man, he is the main character. The story revolves around the development of the narrator as an individual. The narrator remains somewhat hidden to the reader. Though he reveals his name, at first his name is the one that he is given in the hospital, the name of his college, and the name given to him in the Brotherhood, all of them identifying him. He never emerges as a presence, remaining just a voice. Making his status as an “invisible man.” The narrator’s innocence prevents him from recognizing the truth behind others bad behavior and leads him to try to fulfill their misguided expectations. He remains extremely vulnerable to the identity that society thrusts upon him as an African American. He plays the role of the servile black man to the white men, he plays the uncomplaining disciple of Booker T. Washington during his college years, and he agrees to act as the Brotherhood’s black spokesperson, which allows the Brotherhood to use him.
Most of the story the narrator remains extremely innocent and inexperienced. He always thinks the best of people even when he has reason not to, and he remains consistently respectful of authority. The narrator’s innocence sometimes causes him to misunderstand events in the story. Ellison uses heavy irony to allow the reader to see things that the narrator misses. After the “battle royal” for instance, the narrator accepts his scholarship from the white men with gladness and gratitude, even though he passes no judgment on the white men’s behavior. “When I got there I discovered that it was on the occasion of a smoker, and I was told that since I was to be there anyway I might as well take part in the battle royal to be fought by some of my schoolmates as part of entertainment.” (Ellison 17) He engaged in battle royal before they handed him his scholarship along with the briefcase, of course humiliating him before awarding him. Showing his blindness towards the white men.
            While he attended college he was a chauffeur to Mr. Norton, a wealthy white man contributed a lot of money to the college. While one day driving him around they drive to the nearest tavern, the Golden Day, which serves black people and also happens to be a brothel. As he approaches the Golden Day, the narrator encounters a group of mentally disturbed black war veterans who are being allowed an afternoon outside their home. When Mr. Norton passes out a particular veteran claims to be a doctor and a graduate of the college. After Norton wakes, the veteran mocks Norton’s interest in the narrator and the college. He says that Norton views the narrator as a mark of achievement rather than as a man and that the narrator thinks of Norton not as a man but as a god. He calls out the narrator telling him he is stricken with a blindness that makes him do Norton’s bidding and claims that this blindness is the narrator’s chief asset. “And the boy, this automanto, he was made of the very mud of the region and he sees far less than you. Poor stumblers, neither of you can see the other. To you he is a mark on the scorecard of you achievement, a thing and not a man; a child, or even less a black amorphous thing. And you, for all your power, are not a man to him, but a God, a force-.” (Ellison 95)  But Mr. Norton, or the narrator take good having his figurative blindfold removed, the narrator wishes to continue under the illusion that the college offers him the freedom to determine his own fate and identity.   Mr. Norton becomes angry and asked the narrator to drive him back to the college and on the ride back is was completely silent.
            He later joins a brotherhood in Harlem as a spokesperson for them. They immediately implicate the narrator the brotherhoods ideology. At first everything goes great for the narrator, then the after an incident occurred he finally loses the illusion that he can remain a free individual within the Brotherhood. He learns that the condition for membership in the Brotherhood is blind obedience to its ideology. Just like his old college hired him to show Mr. Norton only what the college wanted Mr. Norton to see, the Brotherhood has hired him to say only what it wants people to hear. Again, someone using the narrator and blindfolding him more.
            While the narrator hibernates he reviews his life lessons and tries to find meaning and his identity. At the end of the novel, the narrator decides to come out of his “cave” and find his own true identity.


Thursday, March 22, 2012

Peer Critique for ANA


Voice/Tone: Ana’s voice was laid back. She informed in her paper on why people are homeless.

Audience: I think her audience was targeted to young adults and adults as well. Trying to get her point across to them that being homeless is a serious issue.

Evidence: Ana did use some resources, but the way it was used wasn’t used as well as I would’ve have seen it be used. I think She should have used her information to compare the pros and cons of poverty.

Meaning: The meaning that Ana was trying to say was that being homeless is serious. She explains what drove people to that point and did it great.

Structure: the way it was constructed was well. This paper was suppose to be on the other hand an exploratory essay in which the paper doesn’t side. I think she did that very well, but she did not inform the reader the pros and cons of the issue.

Organization: I would have liked for her to not talk as much about her experience volunteering and rather have used that experience as a resource to her paper adding to the pros and cons of the issue Ana was trying to explain.

Overall: overall I think she told the point she was trying to get across excellent. I want to see more good and bad sides to the issue she was talking about.

Project Space


Brenda Mendez

PAS 114B

Professor Broadous

22 March 2012

Welfare

            As we go on with our lives there seems to be a global social issue that never seems to storm down; poverty. According to A Global Issue, “Almost half the world , over 3 billion people, live on less than $2.50 a day.” As we embarked in a class project to go volunteer at a facility in which we  researched “space” I noticed how welfare plays a huge part in why poverty in the U.S isn’t coming down.  In most developed countries, welfare is largely provided by the government, in the U.S. Welfare can take a variety of forms, such as monetarypayments, subsidies and vouchers, health services, or housing for example, TANF, Food stamps, medical insurance, child care assistant and more. At the same time it can encourage people to simply reply on welfare and boost up U.S poverty. What I want to do is go beyond “space,” defining space as poverty is such a vague issue, but going further into as to a reason why it is occurring, for example welfare, I think is taking it a step further.

            To put ourselves and observe space more in person, we had to volunteer at a facility whether it was at a homeless shelter, senior center, or anything else like that. I unfortunately couldn’t volunteer, but I didn’t do some volunteering in High School at a homeless shelter. I just had to go back to my experience and analyze how it went. At first I helped out with serving food to the people. That day they were serving mashed potatoes with peas and chicken, such an ordinary meal to me, but to the homeless a lot more than I could ever see. I met this women named veronica who lived in Los Angeles since she was 18, now looking as if she was in her 40s. I asked her what happened to her so that she can end up homeless, but she wouldn’t explain. I met other kind people at the homeless shelter as well and every time I spoke to someone new I felt their pain and all the struggles they were going through. I noticed how much people like them appreciated everything that was being handed to them. Some were living off welfare and were trying to get back up on their feet, and others were also living off welfare was just taking advantage of the help. The people at the homeless shelter valued every inch of space they had under a roof. I took everything into consideration and like in every situation there is always a good and bad side to it, in this issue it was welfare.

             Welfare was established to help people in need.  This includes helping people who are unemployed, have a low income that qualifies, or other people who require assistance; most of these money resources come from the government agency or other program. According to the Constitutional Rights Foundation, “The need for welfare was great in the 1930's during the Great Depression. Millions of people were thrown out of their jobs, left with no other options.   Before the Great Depression, community charities helped the poor and needy.” Since then people that have lost jobs or have started to become homeless started depending in welfare. It’s a way to keep people on their feet and keep them hopeful that they soon will be able to find another job and get back on their feet. According to Constitutional Rights Foundation, “In Franklin D. Roosevelt’s State of the Union address, he included that he planned on creating old-age insurance program, federal unemployment and benefits for dependent people and poor single mothers with children. Welfare finally became a federal responsibility under the Social Security Act on August 18, 1935.” There is even specific help for single women. All of it benefiting everyone that needs aid.

            On the other case according to Welfare Reforms, “The current system has not been good for children. In 1965 there were 3.3 million children on AFDC; by 1992, that had risen to over 9 million children despite the fact that the total number of children in this country has declined. Last year, the Department of Health and Human Services estimated if we do nothing, 12 million will be on AFDC in 10 years. Instead of working up, we find more and more children being trapped in a system and into dependency on welfare.  90 percent of the children on AFDC live without one of their parents. Only a fraction of welfare families are engaged in work.” Since welfare started providing for people, some decided to take advantage of that aid and live off it, and possibly taking the aid of those who truly need it. According to Crime, Policies, and Roots Causes, “Welfare is both a consequence and a cause of several conditions best described as social pathologies. These conditions include dependency, poverty, out-of-wedlock births, nonemployment, abortion, and violent crime.” It was created a people to depend on government and not work for themselves. The level of AFDC benefits relative to the average personal income in each state is the one condition that increases each of the six focus pathologies, with effects ranging from a weak effect on nonemployment to disturbingly strong effects on welfare dependency and illegitimacy.

            When I look back on the days I volunteered in High School, makes me understand space now in the sense that everyone takes their space and they can either appreciate well, or not. The homeless people value every inch that they get, and that is how everyone should be thinking.  I also happened to met a teenager that was my age and told me about his life story. Apparently he only lived with his mother who depended on welfare. He told me how he has been struggling his whole life and all that he wants to be is a normal teenager. I felt very bad for him.  

            Whether or not welfare plays a good role in our country is for you to decided. Although it does aid those in need of help, it has also made some take advantage of it and live off the government help.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Peer critique for Cindy De la Rosa



Voice/Tone:
To me as I read your story, which you haven’t finished by the ways, comes off to me with a tone of energy. The narrator who happens to be the main character makes me feel like he’s an over energized teenage boy. He also sounds very rude and snotty.
Audience:
From what I have read of your story it seems like it would attract mainly teenagers. There’s cussing and it takes place in high school and the characters are acting childish. I don’t think adults would be interested in it, but young adults would.
Evidence:
You mention a few things, for example models of the cars that I would think no one would know, so to me I take it as you reassuring “props” and background for your character.
Meaning:
I can already tell by the beginning of your story that your main character, Thayer is having problems with his ethnicity of being part Hispanic. Obnoxiously the character lives in Arizona. And I really like where it is going. It is showing how some teenagers act now a day. Showing the meaning and teaching a lesson to not be ashamed of yourself.
Structure:
From what I have read I’ve been interested in it. I like the smoothness of it. When I went to the lab they kind of guided me to a structure where:
P1- Introduce character, show lifestyle, personality, other characters.
P2- Dialogue between characters showing dynamic.
P3- Conflict rise
P4- Conflict resolution
P5- Show meaning, symbol of story.
It’s just a few tips.
Organization:
There’s not really that much into the story because it’s not finished, but so far the beginning is well organized. Everything is flowing nicely.